I'm Glad These Aren't My Students...

Bad Girls...

What are your thoughts on Lil' Kim?

When I Was Your Age...

At some point in the hopefully distant future, we'll be talking to some young whippersnapper sitting on our knees asking questions about the "Olden Days" and our own childhoods. And when that happens, that youngster will probably think that having dial-up Internet was the equivalent of not having any electricity or running water at all.

Most Charismatic Music Video...EVER!

'Member this vid?

So You Think You Can...

...Drink?

Critically Underrated Rapper Poll...

I'm casting my vote for Ma$e.

Anatomy of a Treatise...

Art (n.) = form (albeit extreme) of media in the journalistic sense…always politically stilted (left or right)…art as “reporting” (from a biased viewpoint politically) = art as an illusion or a mimicry a political stance has in terms of their reality > assignment of language to a work = what does it represent? Art is always representative of one’s personal “reality” > to succeed, if all art is an illusion of reality and therefore ascribed with that particular piece of personal reality according to linguistic signage, to succeed, art must follow the rules whilst overwhelming the rules > art must achieve a reality of prepositions and abandon the traditional representation of nouns and verbs.

My So-Called Virtual Life...

Here are some pictures I took using my new Halo 3 game's features to review a film of a previous match using the new "Theater" function and took these four photos in a replay of a game I played. With that in mind, here's me getting pwnd in Halo 3. You can tell which of the two guys I am - I'm the one on the right, in doo-doo brown, getting pwnd.

The Noob Hunter...

Field Guide to Noobs...

Instructional Video About PWNG NOOBZ...

Warning! The above video contains extraordinarily disturbing acts of TTL PWNG upon deserving NOOBS! Not for the faint of heart. If the above sentence's disclaimer made absolutely no sense to you, go ahead and click on it, you'll see what I mean. But, perhaps I should explain why I would post such horrific, atrocious, and unspeakable acts upon another virtual human being on this here blog.

Recently, I bought the latest-and-greatest videogame to come out in recent memory, Halo 3. It's a lot of fun - especially because you can do stuff like meet up with friends (real friends) online and play together, all while communicating through a headset that the Xbox 360 supports. I've played some rounds with our friends, Mac and Andrew in Knoxville, and it is a really cool feature, I must say. Another cool feature is the "Theater" mode, in which you can go into previously played games, run them like a film, but use a fly-around camera viewer to get the best angle of you plowing down some poor, unsuspecting victim, or, if you're like me, getting pwned.

In case you don't know, "pwn" and its variants (i.e., "pwnd," "ttl pwnage," pwned," "uber-pwnage," etc...) is gamerspeak for getting "owned" in the game. Click here for a detailed Wikipedia entry on the etymology of the word. That is to say that getting "owned" (pwnd) or "total ownage" (ttl pwng) is a bad thing in the game. Especially if you're what's called a "noob" (I guess I'm a noob). "Noob" is gamertalk for a person who is new at something, or, if you will, a "newbie." With this in mind, according to most online gamers, if you don't know what a noob is, it means you probably are one. Which brings me to my next point: what's NOT cool about Halo 3 is the fact that this online world for you to exist and play in is, for the most part, populated - or, perhaps better, overrun - with foul-mouthed prepubescent little shits.

My friend from high school, Beck, and I got on the other night. We're no good at all at this game, but enjoy playing it. While we were waiting for other gamers from around the globe to join our match, one guy joined up, looked at our stats/scores (which, of course, are paltry), and said (imagine this being said in your best impersonation of a computer IT guy at some crappy office): "Schweeet. 'Noobz. I'm gonna shit all over you 'noobs." It sounded SO NASTY when he said it.

Poll...

What do you think about this whole debacle?

Remember This T.V. Show?

More Tim Conway...

Remember when you thought this was really funny? Remember the "Dorf on..." series?

Now This Is What I Call...

...my kind of humor. A Carol Burnett show sketch in which Tim Conway plays a bumbling dentist with Harvey Korman (Hedley Lamarr from Blazing Saddles) as the patient. Watch Harvey try to keep it together.

Things That Are (or, perhaps more rightly, "Were") Awesome (Part III, for Kate)...

Do you remember the Hi-C lunchtime fruit-based beverage, Ecto Cooler? It was the shit. One man has gone on a quest to discover what happened to it - and why it should come back. Click here for the original T.V. spot/a jog down "Memory Lane." Unlike this nostalgic product, you can't even get Ecto Cooler on eBay, 'cuz, you know, I checked.

Things That Are Awesome (Part II)...

Well, I have to admit it: It's AWE-SUM. I'm talking about the book, Art Since 1900, authored by the October people, Rosalind Krauss, Benjamin Buchloh, Hal Foster, and Yve-Alain Bois and published by Thames and Hudson. I just got my free desk copy in the mail yesterday. If you're in the market for an art history survey textbook on the subject of art in the twentieth century that can double as an interesting conversation piece/coffee-table-book-to-put-out-for-the-more-high-minded-company-you're-having-over-and-your-unbroken-spine-catalogue-of-Foucault-gathering-dust-on-your-bookshelf just won't cut the mustard, I highly recommend. Plus, it's just really, really well-done: year-to-year "chapters" rather than sections arranged according to movement or medium!

Weather Report...

Well, I woke up this morning and realized there was something - something in the air - when I got up. It was just chilly enough to warrant a light jacket this morning - the first day we've had like it thus far in our entry into autumn. And that got me thinkin'...It's that time again! Time for the most inefficient fashion ensemble ever! I'm talkin' 'bout da' Uggs and miniskirt com-BO, muthaphuckah! Already had two sightings and the day's just getting started...

Say Something Funny, Wilbur...

Ryan Leaf!!!

Article...

This is a bad, bad article. But I couldn't help thinking of Sewanee when I read it.

Things That Are Awesome (Part I)...

Fantasy Job...

This is IT. What if you could have the job making music videos for songs that pre-date music videos. What song would you do, if you had to choose just one? This is a strong contender for me.

Live Boss: November, 1980 from the Capitol Center in Maryland: home of Heavy Metal Parking Lot.

Maybe Even Better Than John Fitzgerald Page...

People Who Aren't Real (But Really Are)...

This guy can't be real - check out his link at the bottom of the post...

So I winked at this guy on match. Should have known better considering his screen name was "IvyLeagueAlum" ...

He responds with the following email:

I live in a 31 story high rise condominium, right in the middle of the Buckhead nightlife district. Do you ever come to this area of town to shop/go out/visit/explore?

I went to an Ivy League school - the University of Pennsylvania - for my undergraduate degree in economics and my graduate degree in management (Wharton School of Business). Where did you go to school?

What activities do you currently participate in to stay in shape? I work out 4 times a week at LA Fitness. Do you exercise regularly? I am 6 feet tall, 185 pounds - what about yourself? I am truly sorry if that sounds rude, impolite or even downright crass, but I have been deceived before by inaccurate representations so I prefer someone be upfront and honest on initial contact...

I do mergers & acquisitions (corporate finance) for Limited Brands (Bath & Body Works, Victoria's Secret, etc). Enjoy any of our stores/divisions?

Do you have any other recent pictures you care to share? I have many others if you care to see them.

Regards,

John
sgnu88 at hot mail

So, I in turn send him a polite "No Thanks" thru the match system which send him the following email:

Thanks for writing to me, but unfortunately, we're just not a good match. Good luck in your search!

Our Portraits didn't match on:

• Personality

To which he replies the following:

I think you forgot how this works. You hit on me, and therefore have to impress ME and pass MY criteria and standards - not vice versa. 6 pictures of just your head and your inability to answer a simple question lets me know one thing. You are not in shape. I am a trainer on the side, in fact, I am heading to the gym in 26 minutes!

So next time you meet a guy of my caliber, instead of trying to turn it around, just get to the gym! I will even give you one free training session, so you don't blow it with the next 8.9 on Hot or Not, Ivy League grad, Mensa member, can bench/squat/leg press over 1200 lbs., has had lunch with the secretary of defense, has an MBA from the top school in the country, lives in a Buckhead high rise, drives a Beemer convertible, has been in 14 major motion pictures, was in Jezebel's Best dressed, etc. Oh, that is right, there aren't any more of those!

Regards,

John

http://www.johnfitzgeraldpage.com

Karlheinz Stockhausen on Sounds...

He makes it sound - pun intended - so easy.

Bruno Maderna's White Noise...

The first electronic music at the RAI Studio of Musical Phonology.

John Cage Performs "Waterwalk" on Game Show...

Here's a series of interesting musical performances/lectures by some Fifties (and on) pioneers of sound. This first one is John Cage performing his composition of "Waterwalk" on the T.V. gameshow, "I've Got a Secret."

John Cena...

Has anyone heard of this guy? I've recently seen a rash of t-shirts with his image on them, usually accompanied with his quotable phrases like: "You Can't See Me" and "F*ck Rules." Here's his Wikipedia entry. From what I can tell, Cena is kind of a bad boy jack-of-all-trades - in addition to his professional wrestling career with WWE (the professional-wrestling-organization-previously-known-as-WWF), he writes hip-hop/rap songs ("Basic Thuganomics" and "Bad, Bad Man" can be found on his debut album entitled (once again) You Can't See Me) as well as, ummm, "acts." If by "acting" Cena's Wikipedia page means "acting like an asshole," I'd believe it, but, in reality, he starred in the (most likely forgettable) movie, The Marine. It's weird to see so many people wearing his t-shirts, though - I had to check him out to find out who the hell he was, but, apparently, he's super-popular. Does this popularity carry on outside of the greater metropolitan area of New York? I'd be interested to know if ya'll have had any Cena-sightings, or at least know about this guy, 'cos I had no idea. Shoulda asked Phil Armentrout, I guess. 'Suppose I'll chalk it up to one of those things you miss out on when you're in grad school, I guess.

(More) New Music Acquisitions...

In celebrating my purchase of these great new headphones I got, I decided, like any good American, to continue spending money and ended up buying a few albums I was interested in to listen to using my new headphones. Here's what I got (opinions/comments/suggestions welcome):

The Blasters - Testament: The Complete Slash Recordings, 1981-1985

Roy Orbison - Rocker (a compilation of Orbison's big Sun recordings)

The Gun Club - Fire of Love

The "Pump 'n' Dump"...

Here's a post from the New York Craig's List Personals Ads:

What am I doing wrong? Okay, I'm tired of beating around the bush. I'm a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I'm articulate and classy. I'm not from New York. I'm looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don't think I'm overreaching at all.Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips?

I dated a business man who makes average around 200 - 250. But that's where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won't get me to Central Park West. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she's not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically: Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won't hurt my feelings-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I'm 25)?- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the Upper East Side so plain? I've seen really 'plain jane' boring types who havenothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I've seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What's the story there?- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows - lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY.

Please hold your insults - I'm putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I'm being up front about it. I wouldn't be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn't able to match them - in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

And here's the response post:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I'm not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here's how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a cr@ppy business deal. Here's why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here's the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity...in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful! So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!

Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay prettyhot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you! So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold...hence the rub...marriage. It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease.

In case you think I'm being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It's as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage. Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as "articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful" as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn't found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn't need to have this difficult conversation. With all that said, I must say you're going about it the right way. A classic "pump and dump." I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

DAMN, SON!

Gettin' My Cheeze and Splurgin'...

As I write this, I'm listening to my iPod on my new Bose around-ear headphones that I bought after getting paid from Dowling for teaching there. Let me tell you, I don't normally use this blog to issue corporate endorsements, but these headphones are the best sound I've ever heard with a pair of headphones. Every track I've listened to - regardless of genre/artist - has sounded full-bodied and rich and I like that. They'd better be this great, I guess, 'cos the cost me a pretty penny. I sold my old in-ear headphones to Rory Fraser's brother, Ross, this weekend, because they tended to hurt my ears - not to mention, they had the very disgusting ability to suction out almost all the earwax in large plug-shapes out of my ears when I removed them and I was constantly cleaning them so I could actually hear without earwax blocking up the sound.

To celebrate, I decided to spend yet even more money - as if the headphones weren't enough - and purchase a few new albums on iTunes. I like reading the online music review/information website, AllMusic.com and got some good recommendations. I got Johnny Shines with Big Walter Horton - an amazing album of Chicago blues, which I don't normally prefer over Delta blues, but this is really a great one - it's not too overt on the use of horns/electrified instrumentation and is a great album to put on when company's over - it'll really get your party goin' and I recommend giving it a listen. On the blues note, I also picked up the Howlin' Wolf entry into the "Definitive Collection" series, which is also great. I already had the George Jones Definitive Collection album, which is a must-have, so I figured I'd go with good and got better than that. Finally, I picked up a little hip-hop and bought Gang Starr's decade-long retrospective disc as well ('89-'99), which is also great. I was a little disappointed that iTunes didn't carry the Gang Starr album I really wanted, but this is a fantastic sampling of the ten years worth of work by one of the more interesting hip-hop/rap acts of that decade that is the Nineties. Anyone have these albums and wanna throw in your two cents? Or these headphones for that matter?

Javon Walker Continues To Tell Us Gross Stuff About His Body...

For those that care about football (and/or gross stuff), here's what the latest headlines are regarding Javon Walker's knee injury:

Oct 6 Lee Rasizer, of the Rocky Mountain News, reports Denver Broncos WR Javon Walker (knee) will not require surgery to repair his injured right knee. Walker has been ruled out for Week 5 because he has had swelling and fluid on the back of his knee. "No, no, no, no, it's nothing to do with surgery," Walker said. "It's just football. A lot of people's bodies react differently, and mine reacts with a little swelling and a little fluid and some of the other stuff that was in there. You've just got to let it settle down."

A Lady I Met...

I was at the laundromat yesterday, washing my clothes. I had two dryers going and one of them finished up, so I took out my clothes and was in the process of feeling them to make sure they were totally dry when a little old lady voice behind me said, "Excuse me, sir, but are you still using this dryer?" I turned around, only to see a little 70-plus lady behind me, pointing at the dryer I had just emptied and left the door ajar, in case I still needed to dry my clothes further. I replied, "No, ma'am, I'm done and you can use it." To which she responded: "What?!? And you can't close the goddamn door on it, you stupid faggot?"

A Player On My Fantasy Team...

Here's the latest news on Javon Walker, a player on my fantasy football team:

Oct 2: Bill Williamson, of the Denver Post, reports Denver Broncos WR Javon Walker (knee) said he is unsure whether he will practice this week or play in the team's Week 5 game, but he remains hopeful. Walker will not practice until the fluid on his knee is reduced. "I just have to wait for it to drain," Walker said. "We have to milk it out of there. No one wants me to come back sooner than I do."

An Email I Got...

Here's a copy of an email I got at my Dowling address that somehow slipped through the spamblocker function:

FROM: THE DESK OF THE VICE PRESIDENT MR.AUSTIN THOMAS.(TRANSNATIONAL AWARD INTERNATIONAL) PRIZE AWARD DEPT.REF NO: 12/0078/IPGBATCH NO: EGS/ 20054117/08ATTN: WINNER.RE: SCHOLARSHIP AWARD NOTIFICATION, FINAL NOTICE.We are pleased to inform you, that as a result of our RECENT LOTTERY DRAWS HELD ON THE 28TH JULY 2007. Your e-mail address attached to ticket number:021-7276083-04 with serial number:31270-0 drew lucky numbers:05-06-12-14-38 which consequently won in the 5th category. You have therefore been approved for a lump sum pay of (FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND US DOLLARS) in cash credited to file with REF:.EGS/3662367114/13

Note that all participants in this lottery program have been selected randomly through a computer ballot system drawn from over 20,000 Officials and 30,000,000 individual email addresses from all search engines and web sites,from Asia, Australia, NewZealand, Europe, North and South America, Middle East and Africa, as part of our International Promotions Program.This promotional program takes place every year, and is promoted and sponsored by eminent personalities like the Sultan of Brunei and other corporate organizations. This is to IMPROVE THE LEVEL OF EDUCATION WORLDWIDE and to ENCOURAGE THE USE OF INTERNET AND COMPUTERS WORLDWIDE.

Your fund is now deposited with EcoBank and insured in your name For security purpose and clarity, we advise that you keep your winning information confidential until your claims have been processed and your money remitted to your account.This is part of our security protocol to avoid double claims and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. We look forward to your active participation in our next 4 million dollars slot. To begin the processing of your prize you are to contact your claims agent through our accredited Prize Transfer agents as stated below:Name..Rev FRANK IBETEL: +234-80-3819 1724 CALL HIM IMMEDIATELY WITH HIS ABOVE DIRECT PHONE NUMBER IF YOU ARE CALLING FROM (USA) THIS IS HOW YOU DIAL 011-234-80-38191724 BUT IF YOU ARE CALLING FROM ANY OTHER COUNTRY,THIS IS HOW TO DIAL +234-80-3819 1724

You are also advised to provide your claim agent with the under listed information as soon as possible send it to his two email addresses below,YOUR CLAIM AGENT E MAIL ADDRESSES BELOW,E MAIL: frankibe337@yahoo.comE MAIL: frank_ibe2002001@myway.com1. Name in full2. Address3. Nationality4. Age5. Occupation6. Phone/Fax7. Batch Number8. Serial NumberAll winnings must be claimed not later than one month after the date of this notice. Please note,in order to avoid unnecessary delays and complications,remember to quote your Batch number and Serial numbers in all correspondence.Furthermore,should there be any change of address do inform our agent as soon as possible.Congratulations!!!once more and thank you for being part of our promotional program. Bear in mind that 10% of your fund will be going to the lottery organization that played the lottery with peoples name and email addresses that should be after you most have received the fund in your account,the 10% would have been given to them,just because the fund has been insured and will not be removed till you receive the fund in your account.

Sincerely,

MR.AUSTIN THOMAS
VICE PRESIDENT
TRANSNATIONAL AWARD

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sounds pretty fishy, if you ask me - especially after realizing that "234" is the country code for Nigeria...That's where I'm supposed to call to talk to the Reverend Frank Ibetel. A reverend? Just giving me $500,000 for a lottery I didn't even enter, but won in July, without even having a Dowling email address at that time? AND, I get to kick it with the Sultan of Brunei? Sweet! How could it possibly be a scam?